What Gets Me Through

     These past few weeks have been tough.  I am making it through though, with hopes that maybe one day I will be able to feel the joys {with trepidation} of expecting another child.  But there are a few things that I have found to keep me going through the days.  I have had enough science classes to know that there is a pretty good chance that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the miscarriage from happening. Of course, I still traced all my steps of all the questionable things that could have happened, but I have never once stopped to think "if only I hadn't done that." It is definitely hard to go through the process and not second guess everything, but one thing that has kept me going is God {yes, I did bring Him into this}. I know that He has a plan for me and I can only think that there must be some reason why He had me go through this process. I will not blame Him, or anyone else {myself included} for that matter. A few of the sermons we have had at church keep playing through my mind. The main one being that most of us ask when we are in the face of tragedy, "Why me?", but the message of the service was "Why not me?" God wants to use as a vessel to spread His message and it does leave me wondering if this is my venue? And as if there could be a more perfect timing to hear a message, I found this through another blog. It just confirmed the thoughts I had, that God is still there for me.  But one of the main things that has helped is just letting other people know what I am going through.  I am a pretty private person, but I knew that this would take more than just me to move on.  Each time I told someone what was going on, I felt like it was getting easier and that I was getting another shoulder to cry on if I should need it.  More than just sharing though I have chosen to take joy in my two children that I have here.  They are my world right now.  One final thing that has helped is naming the baby.  Even though we were so early on in the pregnancy, I didn't like referring to the baby as "it."  So we have decided to name the baby Avery Lee.  Soon I hope to get a necklace engraved as a memorial.

     Another resource for any one going through a miscarriage is iamtheface.org.  I think it is always good to know that there is some one else out there who is going {has been} through the same thing you are and this is a great site to realize that you are not alone.